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| i hate nickelback and creed. i like high heels tho i shouldnt. i like skinny jeans but hate the fact that i couldnt find them two years ago when i really wanted them but now they are EVERYWHERE. i like having lost weight to a size 0. i hate not having an appetite. i hate recurrent bladder infections. i love the fact that i think kegel exercises are curing my recurrent bladder infections. i hate shaving. i can still say i miss mexican food but have had taco bell like four times this week. or more. damn, that mexican pizza thing they have is awesome! i wanna splash in the waves, but there is a hurricane type thingy coming. i miss my friends. . . . . . . . | | |
| i am working a temporary job as a receptionist for a large corporation that runs prisons and mental health facilities. i should get on here permananent soon. it pays all right, and it's super easy, and i get time to improve myself all day on the internet, by doing such things as reading about the history of the arab-israeli conflict, and giving myself spanish and drawing lessons. oh, i gotta learn that html thing here one of these days. but i can't check email or do myspace bc it's blocked at work and josh keeps me busy at home. so here i am on xanga connecting to the outside world, or at least hopefully to the two friends i could find on here. i am depressed but struggling to maintain my creativity and inspiration. i want to go back to latin america. studying this spanish has got me inspired to go use it. it's one thing to memorize a billion verb conjugations and another to be able to implement them on the conversational fly, and you can only get to that point thru practice, practice, practice. and i want to go back to europe. i hated france, but now i want to go back and live in the south of france again. why? i think it's because now that i feel free and unencumbered by school and career concerns, i am returning to the things that i enjoyed before i got tied down to a grad program. like traveling to places other than japan. and learning other languages. i am also excited to explore new york city. josh and i want to move there when we get tired of delray. i am really excited to think about exploring that place, it's like the center of the world. and i think i could meet so many cool people there. and see cool shows. here, there isn't really that much to do to entertain ourselves. there is the beach and a few nature-type things but josh isn't so up on doing that over and over again. i could go to the beach every night, if it was up to me. and i want to swim at night. but josh says there are sharks when it is after dark. we could go to miami, but our car is not dependable and might not make it that far. i need to get it checked out, but no money... there's not much else here to do. wow, i guess the vast majority of america is like that. i was so spoiled in the bay area. there were a billion things to do. i just didnt have the time to do them. what a shame. i want to have moniesss!!! i need monies to go do the stuffs i want. i want to visit my family. but i need to take off from work to do that. i want to get a pet, but i can't afford the litter and food until next month. i am being denied loans and credit cards for the first time in my life. wah! but i love being a receptionist. what can i say? it involves an extremely simple task (answering the phone and transferring a call), performed once every minute or so, for eight hours a day. the rest of the time is spent improving myself online as i mentioned before, reading trashy magazines, and chatting with my co-receptionist, who is another girl my age and who is really funny and sweet. i smile at people and try to look professional. that's it. i do not feel judged. no one is telling me that i am doing a poor job. when i fuck up, i know it, but it's not a big deal. it's like, oops, i dropped that person's phone call. they'll call back. the worst thing is like, i didnt have time to shower yesterday, so today my hair is really greasy, and i feel like im doing a bad job being a receptionist because i dont look pretty enough to be the face of The GeoGroup, Inc. but could i be a receptionist forever? i would, if it paid more. maybe ill get raises with seniority. i cant wait to get health insurance!!!!! oh god, if i could go back on my birth control and whatnot, i'd be sooo happy. i guess i make all of this sound like quitting school was a mistake. not at all. i cringe at the thought of doing homework right now. i do miss thinking about ideology and power and the way the world works, but as far as putting work into developing my theories of them, i dont have the mental energy. i want to do something rote, like learning languages. im gonna do something else after i master spanish grammar, which should be like next week sometime. maybe start chinese. no, that's too hard to teach yourself, bc of the tones thing. hmm, what could i do? arabic would be too hard to do without being able to hear the sounds, too. what do i want to do with all this extra time?!?! aaaaarrggghhhh!!! | | |
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